What chicken wings taught me about living

This article was originally published on the Freed-Hardeman University Beyond the Tassel college alumni blog series.

• 

That this is what we fear — no sight, no sound, 
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anesthetic from which none come round.
“Aubade” by Philip Larkin

Here we are, navigating the choppy waters of what seems like a never-ending global pandemic. While hope remains firmly planted on the horizon, it’s out of focus at times, cloudy with variants and surges. I know it’s far too early to “call it,” but with vaccines, we are thankfully doing some damage to Covid-19. We are cautiously and optimistically making our best efforts to return to all the things we so casually took for granted before 2020.

But are we truly getting back to all the things? Like we once were? Undoubtedly, this challenge has altered us in some ways—some good, some bad. Many of us have reconnected to a passion or recommitted ourselves to our families, our friends, and our faith. That’s all good stuff. 

For others, however, a once sparkling, colorful world has lost its luster. Wherever you are on the spectrum of fear to freedom, the world now can feel like an awkward, new space that is foreign, gray, and hollow.

For my college-age son, who had Covid-19 last year, this world has been exceedingly bland. He completely lost his taste and smell for more than six months. The aftermath has been tough on him. When I tell you that this young man has a deep, personal relationship with chicken wings, I am not kidding. He experienced a sudden break-up with food with no promise it would ever return.

In perspective with the tragic toll of the disease, losses like this are nothing. Even so, the slightest ripple effects are effects we’re learning to live with. Thankfully, after too many months of this void, my son’s senses are waking up from hibernation.

But just like our own current reality, life is different for him. He doesn’t love hamburgers anymore. Scrambled eggs are a chore. Special desserts aren’t that special now. Fortunately, chicken wings have made a comeback (the spicier, the better!), but there’s still something missing. The vibrancy in flavors is somehow less. His cravings aren’t the same.

I believe our cravings have changed too. I’ve noticed an unfortunate chilling effect on our craving for community. It seems simpler now to do everything remote, right? We’ve discovered we can worship, or study, or teach, or talk, or sing, or laugh, without ever leaving the couch. If we want to, we can depend solely on emojis to express how we feel. That is utterly 😩.

Let’s be honest. It got easy to do everything from a comfortable, sanitized distance. Too easy. And life is hard. Maybe this is better? What’s the big deal?

Here’s why I believe it’s a massive deal. 

If we choose to accept this and chalk it up to “everything’s changed since Covid,” and “life will never be the same,” then: 

1) Satan gets a foothold. Spoiler Alert: Satan loses in the end, but this virus has proven to be a crafty, divisive weapon against our churches, our families, and our relationships; and

2) We’re not giving God enough credit. We’re choosing to settle for a flavorless, flat world of our own making, not His.

God showers us with the most wonderful things to enjoy— to touch, to smell, to see, to taste, and to feel! Most importantly, he gives us each other. Despite what you’ve seen on TV, most people are still amazing!

As I approach my 50th birthday this year (ouch), I’ll admit the big picture has become clearer. Hindsight is a remarkable gift. During these grueling months of global loss, I witnessed and experienced personal loss too. In my college alumni family, we lost far too many incredible souls too soon. 

One of my best college friends unexpectedly passed from a non-Covid related illness. Sadly, we were out of touch for years. We had recently reconnected on social media, but I let the busyness of life keep me from reaching out to him sooner. I have deep regrets about that missed opportunity for a reunion this side of Heaven. 

It’s regret that resonates so clearly with me now. As we strive to move on and out of Covid captivity, I’m vowing to pursue more of the messy, but meaningful moments in person. Even when they infringe upon my comfort zone, even when I have to get in my car or put on make-up, even when they require more of me—who cares? These moments may not achieve Instagram perfection, but thank goodness they will be real. They are the best part of what we’ve got here for as long as we’ve got it. 

While this world is not our home, I believe it’s a 5-D preview of what’s to come, an infinitely small taste of Heaven. It’s up to us to get out there and savor it. 

Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him! 

Psalms 34:8 (NLT)

Forget the New Year: I’m Making Post-Covid Resolutions

_{My driveway where I walk almost every day while making mental resolutions for the other side of Covid-19. A girl can dream!}

It’s officially fall, and while most people are overdosing on pumpkin spice and dragging their sweaters out of storage, I’m over here phoning in the fall season. While I love the leaves and their cheery colors, bowls of soup with bread, and the smoky scent of firewood, I’m already looking ahead.

It’s already been the worst fall of all time. I’m dreaming of a next fall when hayrides, tailgates and potlucks are the norm again. Sure, I can live in the moment—what choice do I have?—but I don’t think it’s too soon to start making some resolutions for a post-Covid world. 

I’ve decided that I’m skipping New Year’s resolutions. I’m going straight for what we’re all waiting and pining for that isn’t tethered to a date on the calendar. As soon as someone gives the all-clear that we can stop tiptoeing through our lives like nervous cats, I hope I remember these resolutions and live them well.

My Top 20 Post-Covid Resolutions

1. Dress up and wear something that makes me feel awesome at least twice a week.
2. Entertain more at home and crash your party. Who cares if our homes are clean? Clean is overrated.
3. Hug everyone, give out kisses, invade personal space. I’ll bring the breath mints.
4. Travel abroad and take the trips I was saving for someday.
5. Bring back the mosh pit.
6. Decrease my screen time. Screens aren’t our friends. Humans are.
7. Forgive and move on. Life is short. An angry life is bitter and lonely.
8. Shake hands with anyone and everyone. Hold hands with the people I love.
9. Write the book.
10. Ditch Amazon and go shopping. Browse the aisles. Touch things, smell things and try before you buy. Champion the resurgence of retail!
11. Take a swing dancing class.
12. Buy the tickets. Go to a nerd-fest fan convention or a writer’s conference.
13. Visit Disney World or Universal Studios and never complain about long lines again.
14. Stay for the reception. Dance.
15. Go to all the parades.
16. Make time for the family visits and do the traditions. Make them count.
17. Double dip.
18. Turn off the news and do something newsworthy (something legal and positive, of course).
19. Schedule and keep the coffee date, the lunch, or the movie night with a favorite friend. Catch up with the people who always say, “we need to catch up.”
20. Build a massive bonfire and invite everyone over to Burn. Our. Masks!
    

_{A proper high school Homecoming bonfire pre-Covid. Personally, I’m looking forward to the most epic mask-burning bonfire of all time!}

I made my resolutions as realistic as I possibly could. They’re within reason, right? When reason is something we get the luxury to enjoy again, I will be ready. 

What are your post-Covid resolutions? If you’re like most humans on earth at this moment, there’s a fairly good chance you already have a list all your own. Like mine, your list may seem silly in relation to a deadly pandemic, but mental health is important too.

Writing down our goals by reflecting on what we’ve learned isn’t naive if it also makes us feel good. Feeling good is a worthy investment of our time right now. It’s also a boost for the immune system!

Visualizing what we’ll do with our unhampered hours once we get them back is the first step to redeeming some of what we’ve lost this year.

Commit to something different and a new appreciation of what’s important to you in the post-Covid years of your lives.

If anyone has an update on when that begins, just let me know.

Until then, make the resolutions. Start working on them now. Trash the ones you’re making for 2021. Lord knows we wish we could take back our 2020 resolutions. After all, hindsight is … well, you know the rest.

Surviving Covid-19: When Your Worst-Case Scenario is the Scenario

_{Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.}

One week ago, I was hopeful that my family would be turning the corner back toward normal in just a few days—normal being a relative term these days, of course.

To rewind, my husband, a high school football coach, had been quarantined from our family and others for several days following Covid-19 exposure. Sadly, he had to miss coaching a game for the first time in 22 years.

Before that quarantine was up, he had some flu-like symptoms, but after two negative Covid tests and no more fever, we all thought it was safe for him to get back to work. A new week was beginning, and we would hit reset then, right?

Wrong. Our worst-case scenario was only beginning.

After he got cleared to coach a football game last Friday night, he woke up Saturday feeling horrible. That same day, I had him check his oxygen level with a small device that my Dad sent to us over six months ago. Truthfully, I thought it was one of those weird items that your parents buy on QVC. I had stuck it in the back of the bathroom closet and forgot about it.

But then I remembered hearing that low oxygen levels are a telltale warning sign with Covid, so I dug it out of the closet. My husband’s oxygen level that day was 95. It was lower than what you want to see, but still in the safe zone.

_{Not the Friday Night Lights we hoped for as my husband attempts to assist in coaching while quarantined in his Suburban.}

On Sunday, his hacking cough never seemed to end, and he could barely talk. So we checked it again. This time it was 92. I decided to call a physician who recommended he see a doctor in the morning to confirm the reading and seek necessary care. Suddenly we were preparing for bad news—what if he did have Covid-19 after all?

At 8 a.m. the next morning, his oxygen level read 86. It was time to go to the doctor and accept the strong possibility that his Covid test had been wrong. By the time he got to the doctor’s office, his oxygen number had plummeted to 81. He was sent straight to the ER where he was hospitalized and diagnosed with Covid-19. I know now that my Dad’s gift may have saved my husband’s life.

For the next three days, he remained at the hospital in isolation from us and anyone else except an excellent team of healthcare professionals. He received an intensive protocol of oxygen, breathing treatments, Remdesivir, antibiotics, and steroids. He wasn’t put on a respirator because he had no underlying health issues and was breathing well enough on his own. In just a few days, he made huge leaps and was home with us again.

Unfortunately, coming home was hardly the caboose of this crazy train.

For starters, we remain completely separated from him as he continues to heal. I have not slept in our bed for almost a month. To be anywhere near my husband to deliver food or medicine, we both wear masks while he stays far away. He can have no interaction with us except through doors or our cell phones. It also means that we’re back to a quarantine lifestyle outside of the house too. So yes, that means high school homeschool has resumed—groan.

To make things much, much worse, this all happened during football season, meaning that everything has been shut down for two weeks. Two big games are now gone. Memories and opportunities for my son and his teammates are now gone. Many lives have had to change their plans because Covid had plans of its own. I seriously couldn’t have written a more depressing story. For us, it feels like the worst-case scenario came true.

Thankfully, despite all this doom and gloom, I know that our scenario truly wasn’t the absolute worst. My husband survived and everyone is fine, even as our story continues to unfold. We are still living in this story and learning a lot about the disease, our attitudes, our priorities, and our survival skills. We’re also learning more about God’s mercy, our faith, and the value of community.

Regarding our relationship with the disease, my 20-year old son also had Covid two months ago, and he still hasn’t regained 100% of his taste and smell. I sincerely hope that the worst is over for this household. I believe we will overcome it, but what that looks like is out of focus. I wish I could be more optimistic, but we are a long way from the days of toilet paper memes. Weren’t those the best days?

I think it’s now probably safe to say that this virus may be inevitable if you’re going to be out and about among the living. We should continue to exercise common sense and precautions, of course, but I think it’s far more tenacious than I ever imagined. It honestly sucks. 

In full transparency, I’ll share what the sucky side of Covid life looks like at our house right now.

I make everyone sanitize their hands all day long and I bleach clean everything constantly. Our home smells like a hospital. I’m tired of choking down huge vitamins.

I’m a cranky and unimaginative cook. No one wants leftovers, and we fuss a lot about food. I yell things like, “no one cooks full meals during the day unless they’re Amish!“

I’ve lost my home office (aka the master bedroom), and have had to call clients from the laundry room this week.

My boys miss watching and talking football with their Dad. We all miss hugs and physical touch.

My husband misses social contact. I honestly don’t know how he’s made it in isolation this long. He mostly spends his days alone despite our best efforts to remind him we’re here.

Even our two cats know that something is up, and they’ve been sleeping in weird places. Yesterday I stepped on a fresh hairball in the living room with bare feet. That was a low point.

We’re all more sensitive and irritable and prone to complain about anything. No one is sleeping on a regular schedule. It just seems impossible given the circumstances.

It’s very easy to slip into pity party thinking when that’s the only party you’re attending at the moment.

On a positive note, and there is one, we have also received incredible support from near and far. We can’t figure out why, but apparently, people love us! In an ironic twist, the most viral thing we have ever done as a family is to come down with a killer virus, no pun intended (okay, actually it’s a perfect pun).

Not that I recommend catching Covid-19 to be reminded of how many friends you have, but it has given us a beautiful picture of the people in our corner. While the last few weeks have been exhausting and disheartening at times, we have also felt such a powerful calm and confidence from the outpouring of support and prayers.

I am 100% convinced that our journey through this weird, dark place was strengthened and accelerated through prayer. Prayers, texts, calls, and gestures of kindness have brought us comfort in the face of uncertainty.

I know our story is just one of millions in this continuing saga. Our experience with Covid-19 has been an unfortunate, annoying setback that was scary for a short time. We do not take this for granted. Many families have not had the same outcome. This disease is random and relentless, but it will not define us as a family, a community, a country, and as people. 

We still get to choose how to respond to whatever it hurls at us. We aren’t perfect and will experience highs and lows as we process our response. But if I’ve learned anything while spending time with the ‘Rona, I’ve discovered that we are stronger than we think we are. God built us with incredible fortitude and He is always near. 

I am forever grateful to those who haven’t let us forget it.

Put yourself in Coach

I’m trying to impress my “Coach” with my four inch vertical. To be fair, I’m wearing jeans. I try.

Around my house full of men who coach and play football, I’ve grown a thick skin over the years. Whenever I attempt to jump into the postgame “break it down” talk, or add my perspective on football recruiting, I often hear comments like:

“Mom, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Seriously, that’s not even close to right.”

“Oh my word, did you just say that?”

“We love you, but you need to stay in your lane.”

It sounds cruel, but don’t feel sorry for me. My men are good guys and they’re right. I honestly know very little about football when compared to their collective knowledge. But because I’m practically living in a locker room 24/7, it’s a little impossible for someone who talks as much as I do to stay out of the conversation. Most of the time, I keep talking until something gets a reaction, even if that reaction is eye rolls.

My football analysis could be described as “Mary Poppins talks X’s and O’s.” It’s laughable. Sometimes, I have to laugh at myself.

I confess that I admire the competitive drive and passion that my guys have for the sport they love. I understand why it’s no laughing matter to them. I’m also admittedly a little envious of my husband’s role as the “Coach.” Deep down, we all want to be that no-nonsense expert at something, right? In a phenomenon that only happens in sports, I think it’s interesting that once a person coaches a sport, even if for just one season, that person will forever be referred to as “Coach” by other coaches.

So what do I have to do to earn that title? Even though my family sarcastically calls me “Coach” all the time, they have no idea that I’ve actually been coaching for years.

Hey, I’m good at things! We’re all good at something. I’ve come to accept that while I may never be a member of their intense little football fraternity, I’m already a coach in my own right. We all are. We just need to be reminded sometimes.

Here’s my coaching resume:

I’m the coach of two needy cats.
I’m the coach of planning the most unpredictable vacations.
I’m the coach of challenging the status quo.
I’m the coach of networking.
I’m the coach of embedding stories in the hearts of my children.
I’m the coach of organizing family time.
I’m the coach of fun and mischief with my friends.
I’m the coach of stretching a dollar and finding treasures in the trash.
I’m the coach of living room karaoke.
I’m the coach of all the holidays.
I’m the coach of raising boys.
I’m the coach of finding the right words.

It’s incredibly empowering to recognize and believe in our unique value. It’s essential to embrace what we can do like no one else.

What can you do? What team would fall apart without you? What characteristics and talents have made you a coach?

When you discover OR re-discover these gifts, be thankful! They are the best part of you. While it’s a worthy goal to learn and pursue new things, it’s also okay to sit still and thrive where you are.

We have no business trying to be an expert at everything. That’s a recipe for neverending frustration.

This lesson alone may be the hardest one I’ve had to learn over and over again. It’s the lesson that just keeps giving, and humbling me constantly. When we stop bossing all the people, we can step back and get a glimpse of the boss in the mirror. This boss is the best one you’ll ever have. God gave you everything you need. He designed YOU to lead yourself first before leading anything or anyone else.

The game plan is simple. When you’re winning at being the best version of YOU, then you’re unbeatable, Coach.

On vacation, I’m in charge. This trip out West is one epic example of me as the “Coach of Vacations” (pictured here at Mariposa Grove in Yosemite National Park). We stayed in a teepee, we stayed in a dome, and we stayed at a hostel where some German guy in a sweater offered me an onion for breakfast. My boys called it dirty summer camp. #winning

When in doubt, show up

I’m thankful to Mateo the Handyman for the inspiration on the tailgate of his pick-up truck. I’m pretty sure this guy is getting the job done.

I’m fairly observant most of the time, but I’ve noticed that I’m beginning to tune out the sights and sounds of our current situation. It seems easier that way. It may also be denial, but that’s where I am. 

I have tapped into every facet of my being to will away, write away, pray away, and push away the fact that things are not getting substantially better yet. I’ve come to accept that this uncomfortable place is our home for now. For me, it’s been simpler at times to numb my senses. 

Thankfully, I still managed to see something recently that demanded my attention in the most unlikely of places. In a city parking lot on the tailgate of a local handyman’s truck, I discovered a short slogan that spoke to me like a prophetic calling.

I Show Up.

That’s it. That’s his marketing strategy. And I love it.

When your faucet is leaking or a window is broken, who do you need? You need someone who shows up. Until the repairman arrives, he can’t diagnose the problem, buy the essential parts, and get to work. Those three words really simplify things.

We can’t slay a dragon if we’re hiding behind a rock.

Right now, we’re all trying to slay a really BIG dragon in our lives. The size of its flames and ferocity depends on how this virus is disrupting or even threatening our very lives. If we want to get a handle on our everyday experience and stop living on the edge of our seats, we just need to shut up and show up.

What does your dragon look like right now? When I picture mine, I always see the dragon fiercely guarding Gringott’s Bank in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios. Photo by Craig Adderley from Pexels

We can’t control a lot, but we can control where we are.

Here are four ways to take back some control.

Show up for family members and friends.
Especially if you have loved ones in isolation, make a call, write a letter (with actual ink ON paper), send an email, make a video, send a voice text, organize a video chat, or just sit outside in a chair and make some noise with banners and confetti. Deliver or mail a favorite treat, flowers, or a special book. Be a human person. Go beyond a “like” or an emoji. Be as real and in the flesh as you can be.

Show up for your home.
Cook a favorite meal, sing loudly even if they protest, pull up a chair to talk and listen, plan a surprise day trip, help someone with homework, unload the dishwasher when it isn’t your turn, hang the towel up, and turn off your stinking phone. Look for opportunities to do things you haven’t done before. Reinvent what you can be for the people who live with you and love you.

Show up for your community.
People need people, even in places that aren’t open in a normal way. Our souls crave community. Visit a city park, buy local, pick up trash that isn’t yours, send an encouraging email or note to your local leaders, visit your library, help someone who seems overwhelmed, pray with and for people who are suffering in silence, and smile at strangers.

Show up for yourself.
Maybe this should have been first on the list because until we are fully present, it’s hard to show up for everyone else. Invest in YOU. Use this time to return to a hobby you once loved, start a journal, learn a new skill, take a hike, make a new friend, watch a favorite movie, watch a Christmas movie (!), or take a mineral bath (it’s the new bubble bath, friends, and it’s amazing – check out Dr. Teal’s – the Pink Himalayan Mineral Soak is my favorite). Just identify what feeds your spirit and fill up!

If we keep showing up, we get things done. If we keep showing up, we focus more on the important because we’ll be too busy to focus on everything else. If we keep showing up, we can overcome this challenge with fewer battle scars. If we keep showing up, we get to write the ending to our chapter in this upside-down story.

Don’t forget that you are in charge of YOU. This mess of politics and the pandemic is NOT the boss of you. Don’t listen to your doubts. They are greedy. They want you to miss out. We all have important work to do. We just need to show up so that we don’t miss it. 

 

10 surprising reasons to love your mask

As the pandemic lingers on, and on, and on, the odds are you’ll be wearing a mask sometime, somewhere. Even if you’re a diehard anti-masker, you know you’re eventually going inside the grocery store or to visit your dentist. So whether you’re sporting a mask reluctantly or enthusiastically, you still know the drill.

Cover your nose, cover your mouth, and try not to choke on your own hot breath.

While it doesn’t take much effort to think about all the things that we loathe about our masks, I invite you to consider some of their lesser known benefits. If you can’t get behind the idea that wearing them could actually get us back to normal sooner, (remember normal?), then you can maybe embrace these perks.

1. Masks are a shield against bad breath.
   This benefit goes both ways. Yes, we’re supposed to be socially distant, but let’s be honest. You have smelled terrible breath from six feet away. I’ll stop there.
   
   
2. You can hide unsightly blemishes and unwanted hair with a mask.
   Don’t feel like shaving today? Wear your mask. Have a fresh crop of chin acne because your mask is also a portable petri dish? No problem. A mask is now the most effective concealer that money can buy.
   
   
3. Masks help you avoid getting trapped in awkward conversations.
   You’ll get home from the grocery store in record time when you can quickly smile with your eyes and then dart away. What’s his name again? Who cares? I’ll never escape, she talks forever without taking a breath! Don’t panic. Your mask just saved the day.
   
   
4. Wearing a mask is an amazing anti-aging technique.
   From the bridge of your nose down, your skin will enjoy extra protection from the elements and the sun. If mask wearing continues indefinitely, we could someday resemble Batman’s nemesis, Two-Face, but for now let’s call it face insurance.
   
   
   

   I spotted this booth in Hilton Head, S.C. in May. I thought it was ridiculous at the time. Little did I know that just a few months later, it would seem like a great idea.

5. Masks are bringing sexy back to sewing.
   Men, women and children across the globe are learning and sharing a craft that is proving to be forever useful and in vogue. I personally can’t wait to see what the designers on Project Runway are going to do with pandemic fashion this season.
   
   
6. Masks are the new “it” accessory.
   Speaking of the runway, be truthful with yourself. Unless you’re a supermodel, masks are probably the most avant-garde thing you’ll ever wear. You might as well have a little fun with your options. From floral to tie-dye to tartan to bedazzled, there’s a style for everyone.
   
   
7. You can make a personal statement with your mask.
   Be it your politics, your faith, your team, or even your favorite Star Wars character, you can express yourself a little bolder behind a mask. It’s like a tiny billboard for your face. Introverts, this is your time. Now is your chance to say it, but just don’t spray it (sorry, I had to).
   
   
8. Behind a mask, you can overcome your stage fright.
   If you’ve always wanted to try karaoke, public speaking, or stand-up comedy, a mask just might give you the courage to make a bold move. And if you bomb and realize your horrible mistake, just run away and no one will ever remember your terrified face.
   
   
9. Masks can be creepy when needed.
   Listen up parents! You may need an extra layer of authority once the kids’ hybrid online and/or socially spaced school year begins. A little healthy fear can go a long way when you’re trying to get a teenager out of bed for his Zoom class OR make your first grader stop licking her face shield. Masks can also be loads of fun for intimidating your nosy neighbors, who may or may not be named Karen.
   
   
10. Masks can make us friends again.
    On these insanely shifting sands in the world right now, we need some solid, common ground where we can stand together. When we’re all masked up and our eyes meet across a room or a parking lot, we no longer need to say a word. There is a telling look or a nod, and our eyes share a truth that our faces often fail to communicate. This great equalizer may leave us knowing our neighbor a little better, even if we never recognize them again.

Looking for something original? Check out redbubble.com where artists create pop culture and fashionable designs. Most orders take several weeks to arrive right now, but I still think this one was totally worth the wait!

Are you ready for some football?

Friday Night Lights in middle Tennessee.

Football.

It’s hard to even say the word right now because it sounds pretty optimistic, right? Yet we need some optimism, even if it’s misguided. So I’ll ask the question on many minds, are we really ready for some football? 

I know I am, no matter what it looks like, but I wasn’t always so enthusiastic. To provide a little context, I have a complicated history with football. Many years ago, the silver lining in a global pandemic would have been the cancellation of not just football, but ALL sports. Yes, that’s a true and difficult confession, but it’s an important chapter in my story.

For a large part of my life, I actually hated sports.

In elementary school, I hid behind trees in the outfield during recess softball. In middle school, some overly demanding (ok… brutal) P.E. teachers exposed my complete lack of athleticism in basketball drills. Literally, it has taken me years to resist flinching at the sound of the scoreboard buzzer in a gym. Truth be told, the only thing that made P.E. bearable for me was the square dancing. 

As I child, I managed to generate some sort of family loyalty to the Crimson Tide because that’s what you do when you grow up in Alabama. But deep down, I didn’t really care. I just didn’t want to hear about Auburn beating Bama for weeks in the hallways of school if God forbid, the Tide lost the Iron Bowl.

Let’s be honest. Have you ever seen a bigger dork proudly sporting her Alabama Crimson Tide jersey?

In the South especially – and not just Alabama – football is a larger-than-life passion that is shared in some way or form by almost everyone. It is a place where community happens, emotions are elevated, and talents of all types are on full display. Love or hate football, it would be hard to deny the strong and colorful thread it weaves through the fabric of our country.

Football is a uniquely American experience.

So that brings me back to the now of football and IF we’re going to have a now 2020 season. So far, there is promising news on all fronts, but I don’t want to jinx it. For my family, fall represents only one reality that remains firmly planted somewhere between two goalposts. I did not choose this sport and this life of first downs and touchdowns (I know the difference now, okay!?). Through my circumstances, it chose me. That’s why I can now say that I love football, and here’s why.

I am married to a high school football coach. I have two sons who play football. One plays for his Dad in high school and one plays in college. Football has given us security, a large extended family that transcends towns and schools, and a banner under which our family unit will always be on the same team. It has given my husband a way to process a difficult childhood into a worthy calling to influence and shape boys into men.

I have seen the literal transformation of players who couldn’t even make eye contact develop into young men who stood taller than they were and pushed themselves beyond their abilities. I have seen giant guys let down their defenses and weep into each other’s arms following the big wins and losses. I have seen tender, young hearts choose Jesus and embrace that new relationship in baptism. 

Coach training up our wild little boys early.

Football has gifted my sons with equal parts confidence and humility and always with perfect timing.

It has built their physical strength and mental fortitude in a world that too often celebrates and justifies weakness.

It has taught them responsibility and strategic thinking far away from their phones and video games.

It has served up accountability and resiliency in the place of blame game theatrics.

It has allowed them to have a healthy and appropriate place to channel their adolescent aggression.

And football has given them relationships and a brotherhood that can only be found through adversity and teamwork in the trenches.

Yes, I acknowledge and am very aware of the risks of this high impact sport, but I live with that. I choose to leverage those risks against the rich blessings that have been showered on them on this path. 

Has football been the great cure-all for our family and made my sons, who won’t cut their hair or keep their rooms clean, into perfect children? Far from it. But like any good football parent, I know that our years have been far more meaningful with it than they would have been without it. The same would hold true for all sports and activities that build character and develop confidence in our children. 

So to clarify, I know it’s unlikely that my words would ever sway the votes of lawmakers and educators and officials for football or in-person school. I don’t pretend to understand the data. Who can interpret something that changes almost hourly it seems? I DO value our safety and health and I pray daily that some intersection of knowledge and common sense will serve our schools and students well.

For my sanity and for my people, I just needed to say these words out loud for all the boys and coaches and fans and cheerleaders and band members and families and anyone who occupies some kind of space on or near the gridiron. I had to offer up one small rallying cry from someone who has also been transformed by football. That someone is me – a (still) proud band and theatre geek who is also now a football geek. Yes, it’s a thing. I am proud to be that combination with cowbell in hand, and I’m not afraid to ring it! 

My “More Cowbell” spirit was not lost on the Nashville, TN TV news. I am thankful for other football moms and wives like my dear friend Jamie (pictured here), who have taught me everything they know.

 

How to get past the pandemic blues

 

Professional photos aren’t in my budget, so I volunteered myself as a “tribute” for this photo to illustrate my pandemic blues. Note I am NOT a “Happy Camper.” Photo credit goes to my son, Canon, who is still making fun of me and refused to take any more (see outtakes below).

My usual bubbly perspective has lost its fizz lately. It isn’t easy for me to admit, but I think I may have been suffering from a case of the pandemic blues.

What, you say, are the pandemic blues?

Go put your sweatpants back on, watch about 30 minutes of any 24-hours news channel, and BAM… you’ll be right there with me. The thing is, I’ve tried to fight the blues by wearing real clothes and make-up, making plans, venturing out, exercising, avoiding the news, and relying on optimism, prayer and cinnamon gummy bears to get me through this waiting game.

But as I’ve been dodging and pretending, I’ve realized that I can’t will this new reality away. It’s not really summer, it wasn’t spring, it apparently won’t be fall, or even the winter we have always known.

For now, it’s simply pandemic season.

It sounds dramatic, but it’s true. You see, everything that makes those other seasons distinct and memorable is linked to the places we GO, and the things we DO, and the people we SEE. As the pandemic season is gobbling up our seasons (including the possibility of football season, I can’t even go there yet), there isn’t much going, or doing, or seeing. Pandemic season has its own dimensions, rhythms and rules.

With a valiant effort, I pushed this unwelcome season away for a few weeks. We all did in our attempt to convince ourselves that “hey kids, it’s summertime!” But it’s still pandemic season. Make no mistake. It is very much here and it demands our attention, no matter what we believe about its threat.

When I really let this settle in my heart, it hurts. I miss family. I miss friends. I miss the comfort of community that I clearly took for granted. Yes, we still see each other in short bits and spurts – on screens, behind masks, elbow to elbow, through windows, six feet away – but these are far from the deeper connections we crave.

Never before have I truly appreciated the value of presence, of humanity in the flesh, of hugs without hesitation.

It’s why we’ll never have a cyborg family that can serve as a substitute for the real thing. My apologies to those working in Artificial Intelligence, but you have much more work to do.

Last night, I was absorbed in a pity party for one. I didn’t have any grand 4th of July plans. Most events were cancelled or scaled down significantly. At our house, we were a bit weary, so we stayed in. I soon wandered outside, drawn to the sounds of fireworks that began exploding right after dark. Honestly, it sounded like Baghdad. I was curious, and maybe a little unsettled considering the state of the world.

It’s our first summer living in this house, which appears to be the epicenter of all fireworks in the state of Tennessee. From every direction, we had a spectacular show. I was running around outside like a kid, trying to find the best place to watch. My husband teased me, “Um, haven’t you seen fireworks before?” Together we sat under a brilliant sky and laughed at the competition among the neighbors. I heard a baby cry, and cheering, and dogs barking, and crickets. In the dark, it felt for a moment that summer was back in its rightful place. Briefly, it was if the coronavirus and the unrest in our country had been a terrible dream.

View from our front porch of the free fireworks show we enjoyed on this memorable, but very different 4th of July. Thanks neighbors, whoever you are!

But even with reality looming in the back of my mind, I was thankful for those loud, colorful bursts in a way that I’ve never been before. I was thankful for the lightning bugs with their tiny golden sparks that accompanied the show. And then, God lit up the sky with flashes of pink and blue lightning for the finale!  

The sights and sounds were a symphony of peace that my soul needed.

And then I cried, of course, but I believe that tears are a built-in release valve. Release is what we need! Yes, we’ve lost much, but we haven’t lost it all.

There is a great Protector who is holding you and your place in your story as you wait patiently for the page to turn. Don’t give into the temptation to skip over this chapter, to withdraw and become numb. Or worse, to become angry. It’s not easy, but it’s important that we feel our way through this discomfort and come through stronger and wiser on the other side.

Because feeling is living!

Be an encourager for others and allow them to be an encourager for you. Feel with people and be with people in whatever way you can. It’s always the right season for loving one another.

If nothing else will cure you from the pandemic blues, this ridiculous photo shoot might do the job. There was a lot of laughing (at myself) under that mask and probably some from my neighbors. My sons were horrified and were not sure if they should have called for help.

 

A tale of love and loss and books

Alan Levine/Flickr, npr.org

Yesterday was Father’s Day and although I haven’t seen my Dad since February thanks to the threat of COVID-19, I spent some time talking with him. I spent some time thinking about him.

There’s an entire book (or two) in me featuring him as the main character, but that’s writing for another day. Today I’m thinking about my Dad and the gift of reading.

Around 18 years ago when I was in graduate school, I casually mentioned a book to him that was an assigned reading called Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig. It’s the story of a man and his son who travel across the country on a motorcycle. It’s an examination of life and how we live it, and according to a review on Amazon, it’s “one of the most important and influential books written in the past half-century.”

My Dad is a retired electrical engineer who has always enjoyed tinkering with things. Naturally, I thought he might enjoy a conversation about the book. I even suggested that he read it, even though most of his reading consisted of the newspaper and Reader’s Digest.

Nevertheless, he read it. In fact, he devoured it. Then he couldn’t stop talking about it and he was hungry for more. At that moment, at the age of 63, my Dad became a book lover!

My Mom had instilled this same love in me that she and I shared, but now Dad was part of “the club.” She had to make room on her bookshelves for his growing collection. To date, this admittedly methodical reader has read more than 100 books and counting! He mostly reads non-fiction, and says that the more challenging it is to read, the more he likes it. He even keeps a reading journal.

Dad and one of his many books that explore the big ideas in life – life, death, God and man.

Reflecting on this special awakening in our shared history brought me to reflect on my own relationship with books. Over the last decade or so, I have felt like an imposter. To be clear, I LOVE books! I love to smell books, touch books, and yes, BUY books. I have boxes of them that my groaning husband has moved from dorms, and apartments, and offices, and too many houses to count. Besides the fact that they are ridiculously heavy, his groaning comes from asking me the same, tired question – “Are you really ever going to read all of these?”

Well YES, obviously! As if!

But then I’ve packed and unpacked those same books, over and over, many with bindings still untouched. I’ve had to accept that I may never read them all because I’m hardly reading at all. Somewhere between becoming a mother and becoming an almost empty nester, I’ve lost my devotion to reading that was once an unyielding passion.

Yes, I’ve continued to sprinkle reading throughout the years of ballgames (so many ballgames), deadlines, church commitments, family commitments, career pursuits, and just the everyday demands of adulting. And I’ve enjoyed many memorable books over the years. But if I’m honest with myself, I’ve consumed far more stories on my Netflix watchlist than from my must read list. 

Over the weeks of quarantine, something stirred within me to start intentional reading and writing again. I suppose it’s because life slowed down long enough for me to live in the discomfort of that longing. I could finally define that missing piece of me that has been vying for my attention for years. I rediscovered a connection to story that yes, can be enjoyed on the screen, but is often much more personal and transformative on the page.

And so began the process of dusting off the books.

With bookstores and libraries closed, I used my mailbox as a book trading hub with book loving friends. For months now, I’ve been reading fiction, non-fiction, and personal and spiritual journeys. I’ve found blogs that challenge and engage me. I’ve resurrected this blog and pledged to keep writing. The words don’t always flow easily, but they come easier each time I open the vault. It’s like I’ve reunited with an old friend who was patiently waiting for me to return.

I guess you could say I’ve been reunited with words.

I’m retraining myself to favor paragraphs and punctuation over the glowing, bubbling screen. Occasionally the two intersect, and when they do, it can still be an inspiring and magical place.

A stack of some of my quarantine reads.

Today, I am simply thankful that I found and rescued that weird little reading girl who took up residence in her bedroom closet with her books. I am thankful for those books. I am thankful for writers. And I am thankful for readers – readers like my Dad.

The novice who became the expert.

The inspired who became my muse.

Thanks Dad. I hope the stories never end.

Dad’s Top Ten Reading List (so far…)
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance – Robert M. Pirsig
The Tracker – Tom Brown, Jr.
The Day the Universe Changed – James Burke
Lateral Thinking: Creativity Step by Step – Edward de Bono
Beachheads: Alabama to Anzio, 45th Division – Charles M. Kirkpatrick
Unbroken – Laura Hillenbrand
Four Religions of Asia – Herbert Stroup
God Against the Gods – Jonathon Kirsch
Escape: A Memoir – Carolyn Jessop
Think Like a Fish – Tom Mann & Tom Carter

Blogs that fellow Bibliophiles might enjoy:
Reader Witch
The Bloggess
A Life in Books
Leanne W. Smith – A treasured friend and talented author
Gathering Around Books – Another talented friend with so much to offer

BUY books and support writers and the wonderful world where new words can take us!

BUY books from your local and independent bookstores!
Find a bookstore near you

 

Me and my Dad looking for adventure somewhere. 

 

Learning to laugh in 2020

^{Cat photos and silly memes have kept me from officially losing it this year. I feel this poor guy.}

I may have picked the wrong year to start a humor blog.

To be clear, I’ve never intended to call myself a comic, but I certainly thought my writing would never take itself too seriously. Like a turtle, I retreat into a shell of funny when life doesn’t make sense. It’s a defense mechanism for sure, but it’s also the only thing that feels natural when nothing else does.

I’m pretty sure that the year 2020 falls directly into the doesn’t make sense category.

And so here I find myself, flailing around, trying to figure out where my cat memes and words of the absurd find their place in a world that grows more serious by the day. I’ve read back over the last several weeks of this blog and realized I was finding less and less to laugh about. Sometimes, it didn’t even sound like ME.

Mostly, I was just processing. I was processing all the chaos, fear, hatred, love, damnation, forgiveness, isolation, frustration, grief and hope – just like everyone else. The events that have unfolded over the last several months have been slowly chipping away at my chipper exterior.

So that’s why I’ve been uncharacteristically quiet for a few weeks. I haven’t felt like laughing much at all. I’ve felt even less like writing. Instead, I’ve spent these days praying, listening, and hopefully, learning.

Learning to accept why you wear a mask, or why you don’t.

Learning to see racism in uncomfortable, familiar places.

Learning to challenge myself to challenge the status quo.

Learning to see people instead of politics and hashtags.

Learning to smile when sadness creeps in.

I’m still humbly seeking to learn all these things and more every day, but saying them out loud is a great place to start.

That’s the beautiful thing about writing. Even though the rules of writing give us structure, it’s breaking the rules that gives us all the feelings. When we can unleash a passion from within that brings someone to action, to tears, or even to fits of laughter, that’s powerful stuff. When we purpose to use it wisely, that’s the good stuff.

Thank YOU friends for listening, learning AND laughing with me.